Brett's mustache, the heart and soul of his "Octobeard," died last week after a 36-day STINT. The 'Stache, as he was known to his friends, was instrumental in bringing together the greatest ensemble of facial hair the autumn season had ever seen, from the beard to the sideburns and goatee . His warmth toward his neighbors, most notably Brett's upper lip, endeared him to everybody and earned him the reputation of a protector, especially from the cold, Parisian winds and attractive women.

"He made me look cool," said Brett Williams, who admitted he was skeptical at first about rocking the 'Stache. "For a brief moment in time, he made me look Parisian, and I'll never forget that."

The memorial service was held this past Tuesday at Notre Dame Cathedral here in Paris. Many celebrities (including Tom Selleck, John Stossel, and Burt Reynolds) were in attendance to pay their final respects. A teary-eyed Yosemite Sam gave a touching eulogy in which he said, "The 'Stache gave us hope through this cultural struggle. He made us believe in the resiliency of the soul to carry on a proud vestige of style and chivalry."

Brett read a few scriptures from the Bible and spoke of the good times, like when the mustache saved some soup from dinner for him to enjoy later. Or how it tickled him when he sneezed.

"I know I could grow another mustache, but it just wouldn't be the same," he said.

It's safe to say, no matter how many are grown, the world will never be the same.

For Americans, it is baseball.

In the summer, when we are bored out of our mind and need to pass the time, we watch baseball. We've been doing it since the end of the Civil War and we've perfected it into a 162-game season with playoffs and a cool trophy.

The French have done the same thing with work stoppages. Before I came here people told me to expect a lot of strikes and I laughed at them thinking it was an overblown stereotype like their love for cheese and wine. 1) The warnings were real. 2) They don't just strike, they full on crank up the Mardi Gras-esc parades complete with drunkenness, slogans and burning couches.

The only American comparison I can draw to a French strike, or "greve", is to combine the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade with the "World's Largest Cocktail Party" in Jacksonville. If you're imagining Al Roker doing a beer bong with frat boys dressed in seersucker you have gone too far! So check out this video for a taste of what France does best!

I need to apologize.

You see the last four years, while I was a student at UF, the Gators enjoyed some immense success on the athletic playing field. I witnessed two BCS National Championship games, a Final Four, three SEC title games and a whole host of other great games. I apologize because it seems without me in the stands this year, the Gators can't buy a win. (Ironic how my absence coincides with the departure of Tebow and Spikes though, isn't it?)

After four years of dominating at the collegiate level, I felt the Lord leading me to take my game and swagger overseas and my alma mater has suffered from my selfishness. Yes, I am sorry and no, I am not coming back, because this season is already lost and it would be a waste of airline miles.

I do laugh though because as I worry about so many things, college football just is not one of them. I'll admit, it helps to not have ESPN on 24/7. Still, as I live the Parisian life here in the City of Light, I can't help but be frightened as I check my Facebook and see this week's suicide watch updates. (It's OK Urban, your family still loves you.)

For everyone back home, I feel your pain. After watching "The Hot Chick" I think I understand what it must be like to go from prom queen to Rob Schneider. And, since I'm not there in Gainesville to help console all you personally, especially my friends on sorority row, I'd like to give you a few things to mull over in your bye week.

1. WHY WE SUCK.

It's simple, the other teams are scoring more points than the Gators. Now, before you all gather your pitchforks and form a mob storming toward Steve Addazio's House,which is located at 8848 SW 11TH AVE GAINESVILLE, FL 32607 , (Thanks Applied Fact Finding!) I want you to know that it is NOT our offensive coordinator's fault.

Our offensive woes and complete inability to score lately have nothing to do with Addazio. In reality, it's Urban's fault. For all of those who don't know, Urban is a tad conservative. When it comes to offensive strategy, he is the Rush Limbaugh of college football. (pun intended) Did you know that Mississippi State and former Gator assistant Dan Mullen only threw the ball one time in the second half of last week's upset win? One time. Yes, Dan learned that from Urban.

Here's a breakdown of the problem. In simple terms, Meyer either doesn't trust John Brantley and his fraternity bangs to throw the ball or Brantley all of sudden forgot how to throw a football. Because, boys and girls, when defenses know you are going to run they can stop it. That is especially true in the SEC where the defenses are fast and mean. Solution, throw the ball first to set up the run Urban. It is a solution that is simple in plan and difficult in execution, much like the spread offense. BUT, it does not require the firing of a coordinator.

2. PUT THE GUN DOWN

Yes friends, I know you're hurting but it will all be OK. If you still need comforting then listen to this song a couple of times. Just remember, we lost four games a few years back in 2007 to Auburn, LSU, Georgia and Michigan. And, remember if you can that at that time everyone, myself included, was calling for Dan Mullen to be fired because of his love affair with the inside-draw play. While there is no silver lining in the form of a Heisman Trophy this season, let's just remain calm and wait for our team to mature and for the coaches to make adjustments. Yes, it is easy for me to say this from 4,482 miles away as I don't have any French people over here reminding me daily of my team's struggles or mocking my jorts. But, I did make a $20 wager with a Seminole friend of mine that the Gators would have a better record this season than the 'Noles would. So I like to think I have just as much invested as the rest of y'all.

3. It's Almost Basketball Season

That's right. We have Macklin, Boynton and Parsons returning. Throw in diaper dandy Patric Young, and I promise you Billy Donovan's team will definitely score more than 27 points a game and could very well surpass 12 wins this season.



Follow Brett on Twitter @Bdubya55